for a moment, and the burble began to play about in his great throat: “And by God!” he concluded, “tobacco’s not the only thing that applies to, either. Not by a damned sight!”
Again, one morning when his nephew was there, Bascom cleared his throat portentously, coughed, and suddenly said to him: “Now, Eugene, my boy, you are going to have lunch with me today. There’s no question about it whatever!” This was astonishing news, for he had never before invited the youth to eat with him when he came to his office, although the boy had been to his house for dinner many times. “Yes, sir!” said Bascom, with an air of conviction and satisfaction. “I have thought it all over. There is a splendid establishment in the basement of this building—small, of course, but everything clean and of the highest order! It is conducted by an Irish gentleman whom I have known for many years. Finest people on earth: no question about it!”
It was an astonishing and momentous occasion; the boy knew how infrequently he went to a restaurant. Having made his decision, Uncle Bascom immediately stepped into the outer offices and began to discuss and publish his intentions with the greatest satisfaction.
“Yes, sir!” he said in a precise tone, smacking his lips in a ruminant fashion, and addressing himself to everyone rather than to a particular person. “We shall go in and take our seats in the regular way, and I shall then give appropriate instructions to one of the attendants—” again he smacked his lips as he pronounced this word with such an indescribable air of relish that immediately the boy’s mouth began to water, and the delicious pangs of appetite and hunger began to gnaw his vitals—“I shall say:’This is my nephew, a young man now enrolled at Harvard Un-i-ver-sit-tee!’”—here Bascom smacked his lips together again with that same maddening air of relish—“’Yes, sir’(I shall say!)—’You are to fulfil his order without stint, without delay, and without question, and to the utmost of your ability’”—he howled, wagging his great bony forefinger through the air—“As for myself,” he declared abruptly, “I shall take nothing. Good Lord, no!” he said with a scornful laugh. “I wouldn’t touch a thing they had to offer. You couldn’t pay me to: I shouldn’t sleep for a month if I did. But you, my boy!” he howled, turning suddenly upon his nephew, “—are to have everything your heart desires! Everything, everything, everything!” He made an inclusive gesture with his long arms; then closed his eyes, stamped at the floor, and began to snuffle with laughter.
