The House-Agent

The Goose

The House-Agent written by Robert Kay Gordon

More Saints and Sinners

"Houses" he said, "Well, if you want to
Get the biggest snap in T'ronto,^[1]
Better not wait a single day;
I'll run you over right away.

. . . . . . . . . .

And now, my dear sir, first of all
Look at the cosy little hall—
It really gives you ample space;
If it were larger, why, the place
Would be too draughty. Well, I think
The kitchen is a gem; that sink
Cost hundreds — What is that remark?
You think the pantry rather dark?
I wish your wife were here. But tell her
About those shelves. Now for the cellar.
The beams are low, sir; mind your head.
Laundry tubs? No. I've always said
They were a nuisance, and no doubt
You always send your washing out.
Heating is, as you see, hot air,
And all last year they did not dare
Use double windows, for the heat
Was felt outside upon the street.
The living room we'll next inspect;
Notice the lighting — indirect.
That space would do for your bookshelf;
I've always loved old books myself.
Your wife's hand, sir, would make this place
A thing of beauty and of grace.
The dining room, sir, step this way.
Just look at that built-in buffet".
Emotion shook him as he spoke
And gazed upon the golden oak.
"I know you'll want to close to-day.
What! You really cannot stay?
And yet you haven't seen upstairs?
You think the whole place needs repairs?"
He sighed and wiped a moistened eye,
"You'll never get a better buy".

R. K. Gordon.

[p.149]

1. ↑ The reader is invited to construct his own opening couplet on the lines of the following author's variants, which suggest a new and infallible method of making poetry universal.

"Houses?" he said, "in all the crowd

You won't beat this one in MacLeod."

or

"Houses?" he said, "I'll say there are no

Houses to touch this one in Garneau."

or

"Houses?" he said, "Well you may bank

You won't get better digs in Frank."

or

"Houses?" he said, "I'll tell you flat

This is the gem of Med'cine Hat."

or

"Houses?" he said, "Well, truth to speak.

This is the best in Pincher Creek."

or

"Houses?" he said, "Well, for God's sake.

Buy this one here at Cooking Lake."

or

"Houses?" he said, "You might walk blocks

And not beat this in Okotoks."

or

"Hooses?"^(sic!) he said, "There are nane ithers

To touch this wee yin here in Smithers. "